Today teenagers

They have it all - could this be the reason?

Often I feel in a middle of an hurricane...

Is there a book that teaches how to deal with youth today?

The teenage years - what a difficult period for us as the parent but for the teenager as well.

Were we , as well , difficult teenagers?

Most parents would ask how to deal with teenagers since this age is really where independence and individuality is cultivated. But in the end , i think we should not worry too much as a lot of parents have gone through their child’s own teenage years and most of them have actually succeeded.
For me the key is - LISTEN , listen very carefully.

After puberty, most kids think they are already adults ready to face the world; luckily, parents are wise enough to know that this is not true.

However, parents may think too little of their teens to a point that they still treat them as kids whose ideas are just kid stuff.

Listen to what they say first before saying what you think. Oftentimes, parents just automatically deflect anything their teens have to say, this in turn makes the teenager just act like their parents.

When teenagers give their perspective, acknowledge it even if you do not agree. It is important for teenagers to know that you have heard their opinion on things.

To deal with teenagers, imagine yourself in your teenager’s shoes. You were also a teenager years or decades ago and you should know how difficult such times were.

However i think we should not rely too much on our own experiences because our teen are probably facing different challenges in life , it is a different world. A lot of parents say things like “I know better because I have been there” in hopes of preventing their children from doing something but were we really under the same circumstances?

Another way to deal with teenagers is to avoid making use of labels when talking to our child, especially during arguments.

Labels can hurt a lifetime and will easily get in their minds.

What matters is that you are there for them at this critical stage with much love and understanding. With an open mind and a sound heart you would be able to know how to deal with teenagers.

I read a wondeful book from a Brazilian Teenager Psychologist and here's some of his quotes.

How can you deal with your teen?
Here are some tips:

1) Do not invade their privacy and read their diary. If you must, make sure he/she never finds out. Their diaries may have traps-- my own diary had strands of hair on certain pages so when they were gone, I knew someone had opened my diary.
2) Respect him/her. If you expect him/her to respect you, show him/her respect so you play the part of a role model.

3) Accept the fact that their friends and their life outside matters more to them than life at home. No matter how much you slave for them, how much time you spent on dinner or breakfast, at the office with a bitch-ass boss-- your teen will always think of him/herself first and his/her friends, popularity, dating, and the latest gadgets, doo-das they want you to buy for them.

4) Don't yell. The more you yell, the more they yell back. If they ignore you, you can try to ignore them.

5) If all else fails and you are a mother, and your teen is out of control, have a sob-session. Cry in front of him/her. Explain to him/her your feelings and why you are worried. If you have a daughter, she might cry along with you.

6) Do not resort to violence. I am sick of seeing parents slapping around their children-- from three year olds to 18, 19, 20. Sickening.

7) Sit down and have a talk with him/her. Remember, there are always two sides or more to a story. Maybe you are the one at fault. Your teen may not be as stupid and immature as you may think. (though studies have shown people do not fully develop their brain to make wise decisions until after the age of 24)

8) Be involved but don't pry. Don't spoil him/her. Don't give in to far-fetched demands. Teach, show, and be patient.Good luck!