Married Life

I guess that after 20 years of a happy marriage I have legitimacy to speak about it.

I know that all I may say will be read or not, taken in consideration or not , understood or not but still I owe a statement about what i think married life should be.

The doubts come quickly to your head, specially when society made it so easy to undo.

Is it going to be as we expected?

One of the misunderstandings about marriage is that people tend to think that marriage is a 50/50 deal but in the end it is no more than two people giving 100/100 all of the time.

I was young , my generation was becoming selfish, my career was only starting - so why did it last?

What makes a marriage work?

The key is empathy. It means being able to put yourself in another's position, to feel what they feel and see what they see, without losing yourself in the process.

For me is all down to a list of key points that all together make married life wonderful.

• Never assume - think that all you have today , might quickly go away tomorrow.
• Compliment more than you criticize.
• For each time you moan about your husband to your family and friends, tell three positive stories.
• Remember that it is ok to do things differently - there is more than one way to peel a potato.
• Marry someone that you enjoy listening and talking to.
• Be fair! Split the housework (involve your husband in the kitchen, they love it!)
• Never go to bed angry. (Unless it's 3a.m. and you're exhausted, angry, and not thinking straight.)
• Before starting an argument, consider if it's really worth it. Remember that people do fight. It's how you do it that matters.
• Respect each other's privacy and individuality.
• Surprise each other now and then.
• Have one date night at least every two months - leave the kids and take a day or one afternoon for both of you.Set up a romantic weekend !
• Never pass up an opportunity to say "I love you".Hold hands and Hug & kiss every day (several times a day actually!).
• Keep the in-laws out of your marriage!
• Never keep secrets from each other. Communication is the key , talk, talk , talk.
• Listen - this could be the most important one ever.
• Always respect each other.
• Don't compare your marriage to others. What you see on the outside is not always what it is on the inside
• Accept differences - No one is perfect.
• Give gifts
• Smile often - I would say: smile always as it is contagious - laughter is like smiling and as they say: it is medicine.
• Touch - intimacy between married people is very important and touching is a mean of communication that reflects closeness, connection and love;
• Talk about dreams
• Encourage - positive support and being there for one another !
• Slow down ~ and don’t jump to conclusions; always give the benefit of the doubt .
• Ask for each others’ opinion - absolutely.Your decisions will reflect both your lives.
• Look your best - I know that this is not easy to implement since we face different situations all day long, however; it does count that you make the effort to look your best every once in a while .
• Forgive - from the heart
• Admit that you made a mistake.Be quick to say "I'm sorry".
• Ask, “What can I do to make you happier?”
• Be sensitive to each other’s sexual desires ~ more importantly; understand these desires and keep the communication going.
  

I hope that somehow I can contribute with some advise and my experience helps building happy marriages - THIS IS POSSIBLE!!

Monika's Smoked Trout Mousse

Serves 4-6

2 smoked trout filets

250 grs Philadelphia cream cheese

1/2 lemon juice - freshly squeezed

1/3 cup of heavy cream

Shred the filets in the mixer. Add the cream cheese and the lemon, then add the cream.

Taste for lemon juice. Refrigerate in mold for several hours.

Serve with cressonette or salad on toast.

Chocolate Demi Cuit with Red Fruits Coulis

Serves 16

8 eggs at room temperature

500 grs chocolate Valrhona

200 grs of butter at room temperature

400 grs sugar

200 gras self raise flour

Preheat the oven at 200º

Beat the yokes with the sugar until you get a soft and whitened cream.

Add butter and keep mixing.

Place the chocolate in a sauce pan and place it in heat over a pan with water, leave it to melt.

Add the melted chocolate to the egg mixture while warm and beat for 2 min.

Add slowly the flour alternating with the whipped whites.

Wrap the molds with butter and vegetable paper.

Fill the molds and place in oven for 15 min.

Before you take the cakes out of the mold, sprinkle with powder sugar.

You can also leave the cakes on the mold as I did in this pictures.

Red Fruit Coulis

250 grs of red fruits - strawberry's, redcurrant, raspberry's

1 soup spoon of honey

1 cm of ginger

1 cinnamon stick

1 small glass of port wine

Add all ingredients and bring to boil in slow heat for 15-20 min.

Eggplant and Prawns Pie

Serves 6

4 eggplants

olive oil

2 onions

6 big tomatoes

1 kg of Prawns

Cream

Grated cheese

Peal the eggplant and make slices of around 1 cm and place in a bowl with water and salt.

Remove the skin and the heads from the prawns. Put the these in a sauce pan with water, bunch of herbs, garlic glove, one onion, pepper seeds. Let is cook well and simmer - you will be using this on the tomato sauce.

In a sauce pan , place the olive oil and the sliced onions. Let it cook for a little until golden and add the tomatoes previously removed form the seeds (can keep the skin). Let it drain all liquids and now add the stock made from the prawns skins and heads. Let it cook well. Put the sauce in a food processor and make a puré. Add the cream and reserve.

Now, it is time to start frying the slices of eggplant. Dry them in kitchen paper and coat with flour. Fry in hot vegetable oil. They need to be very well dried in kitchen paper to remove excess oil.

In a small sauce pan put olive oil and let it gets very warm. Add the dried prawns and just mix quickly and remove.

In a big pirex start layering first the eggplant , then the prawns and last the tomato sauce, make this operation until top and the last should be eggplant. Put tomato sauce over and sprinkle with cheese.

Take to oven fro 15 - 20 min.

Monika's Coconut Macaroons

3/4 cup sugar (170grs)

250 gras sheredded coconut

2 large egg whites

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

pinch of salt

Preheat oven at 175º

Line baking pan with vegetable paper.

In a large bowl mix coconut, sugar, egg whites, vanilla and salt.

Wet hands and shape into 2 cms balls or with ice cream scoop.

Place on baking sheet about 3 cms apart.

Bake 16 min until golden brown, rotating them half way.

As a variation, you can add either melted chocolate to the mixture or chocolate chips.

Dip bottoms in melted chocolate.

The Waldorf Astoria Hotel NYC

I have always been fascinated by the quality standard of the service at the Waldorf Astoria in NYC and many articles I read about the formula for the success but it was not until recently that I really understood why this hotel built in 1900 is still today in the XXI century the greatest icon of the art deco style and a reference for luxury and customer service.

Its first location was Fifth Avenue and 34th Street but in 1930, the hotel was dismantled and replaced by the Empire State Building. This famous hotel was then rebuilt at 50th St. and Park Ave.

It all started in Philadelphia, on a thunderstorm night at the end of the XIX century.

In a small hotel, an old couple walks in and asks for a room. The receptionist kindly informs they are sold out as well as all hotels in Philadelphia due to many conventions in the city.

The receptionist see the worried faces of the old couple and decided to offer them his own room for the night and says he says:

- Its a thunderstorm night you can't go outside now, I am glad to sleep in the coach!

The couple refuses the offer but the receptionist insists and they end up accepting.

Next morning, the man asks to speak to the receptionist and says to him:

- One day , I will built an hotel and you will be the right person to manage it.

The young man took this phrase as a compliment and returned to his work without thinking more about this.

Years later , the young receptionist receives a letter together with a train ticket to NYC. Surprised he starts his journey and waiting for him was the old man from the thunderstorm night that took him to the corner of 5th Avenue with 34th Street and said pointing at the magnificent red stone builing:

- This is the hotel I built for you to manage.

This old man was William Waldorf Astor and the hotel was the recently opened Waldorf Astoria.

More than one Hotel , a Legend!

Me, Monika and the Kitchen

Dinner April 12th at my place

Some weeks ago, me and my friend Monika decided to spend a day in my kitchen sharing our passion for cooking.

Monika and I became friends through work as during her many visits to Portugal we wouls always ended up talking about cooking , marriage and life so we got closer as we had so much in common.

First she has a very happy marriage which immediately puts us in real connection and after she loves house affairs, gardening , flower arrangements and she is an excellent cook.

Because she lives abroad, she has always lots of news about cooking and great tips on hosting at home and she makes the worlds best Lemon Cake (with Portuguese lemons I must say...), she gave me the recipe for the best FOIS GRAS Terrine and Hummus and she also introduced me to Home Gourmets http://homegourmets.blogspot.com/ but more she is an adorable multi cultural girl and I believe that our story has only began.

We then spent the morning shopping at the Gourmet Supermarket at El Corte Ingles and once home we put our hands into work.

We asked my daughter Bia to make her famous Spicy Goat Cheese Paste, followed by:

Smoked Trout Mousse - because we could not find Trout , Monika used Herring and it was just perfect too!

Eggplant and Prawns Pie

Chocolate Demi-cuit with Red fruits Colis

BUT...

Nothing worst for a cook than to spend a full day cooking and nobody to appreciate it, so we decide to invite some friends to join us and share some of the delicious flavours we prepared.

We finished with a good wine and lots and lots of talk.

I will soon post the recipes of our menu.

We had a fantastic day and I believe that only people with same passion for cooking can experiment this feeling!

Thanks Monika!

Brick Tunisien

On Sunday we cooked home and I always wanted to see how easy they make Brick - their national starter.

After learning from the neighbours , my mother made them for us and here is the receipt.

6 Small Brick Pastry

2 small potatos

1/2 onion

1/2 can of tuna

6 eggs

Salt and pepper

Small bunch of parsley

First fold the edges of the brick pastry making a square and then fold in triangles.

Put a weight over so they keep their shape.

In a pan place the potatoes and the onions in slices. Add water to cover, salt and let it cook slowly until the potatoes are mashed. If need add a little more water.

Remove to a plate and add the chopped parsley.

Put the vegetable oil on a frying pan and let it warm over medium heat.

Start building the brick on a plate or very smooth surface:

Open the triangle

Put a small spoon of the potato mash in each side.

Add small spoon of tuna on top.

Holding the corner with one hand, break the egg inside

Fold it back and slide it to the warm oil pressing the closing corner with a wood fork so it stays still and do not open.

Turn it to the other side and remove.

This is a very quick process as you want to egg yoke to be soft.

Place it on absorvant paper and eat warm.

Bon apetit

THREE - Prepare to cook

As I said before, the secret it to have all the basic ingredients in your kitchen.

Start by getting:

Flours - I use self raising and regular ,rice flour

Sugar - have white and brown.

Rice - long grain , arborio, Jasmin.

Pastas - spaghetti, penne , pappardele

Don't forget polenta , cous cous , red beans, butter beans, lentils - unless you don't use them regularly.

Most important:

Olive oil, vegetable oil and if you use sesame oil or Brazilian dende oil which is indispensable for a good «Camarão Baiana» - Prawns Bahia.

Vinegar - red and white wine and balsamic.

Wine - red and white for cooking.

Olives and capers

If you are a good cook and like trying , don't forget to have also:
Good tomato sauce

Curry paste and Laksa (spicy past used on Asian cooking)

Preserved baby tomatoes

Tuna , anchovies and haring

In the fridge , have always Parmesan and a basic «flamengo» or cheddar, also if you enjoy, have a blue cheese and a ricota.

Don't forget dairy products such as milk, yogurt, butter and cream.

Excellent base flavours but only if you are into cooking different food - Asian, Italian, Etc.

Mustard's - regular Dijon and also old grain mustard

Chutneys, Chilly sauce, Oyster sauce, Soy Sauce, Paprika

ORGANIZE YOURSELF

Before you store your fresh products, make sure you clean them first:

Remove all fat and nerves from steaks

Clean and cut chicken

Clean the vegetables and put them in fridge

(to bring salad alive , before serving put the leaves in cold water and some ice cubes).

Chop onions , garlic , ginger and place in small recipients in fridge.

Freeze lemon or lime juice and freeze in ice cubes tray - you will appreciate it...

Remove from the fridge any cheese or chocolate at least 2 hours before serving so they get their full flavour.

If you are one of those persons that like to cook meals in advance, be careful as meat , chicken and seas food can be really dry when heated.

Fresh herbs should be chopped when needed as they lose flavour and colour.

Salads should seasoned just before serving.

Tunisian Way

I've returned from Tunisia just less than a week ago...
I was visiting in business and let me tell you honestly, it was not my favorite destination...
At least not until I started calling it home.
I have visited so many times but only after my sister Ana and her family moved there , I started enjoying the family feeling of a cosy home and peaceful environment.
Off course that all come together when my mum, the most Arab of all Portuguese , moved there too.
Believe be that life in quite Monastir was never the same again and you know, I almost understand her.

Tunisia is a place you learn to love for its quite streets ,busy souk, crowded streets , chaotic traffic but specially for something that has the ability to bring you back some 20 years offering the best fruit and vegetables market, the best fresh fish and you know it is organic.

Off course that my mother is not an average woman of 64 that finally decides to move... to Tunisia!!
She is someone living her life intensely as she embrace the culture and adapts to the way of life, she greats people on the streets, eat on their homes and believe me, learned how to make the best Lamb Couscous and how to get the best bargain.
We are so proud of her determination on taking the best life can offer and to see her that happy is just a blessing.

This hospitable land of colors and contrasts, spices and scents invites you to enjoy its natural beauty, ancient cities and warm friendliness of its people. The land of the familiar and the exotic where one can watch the sunrise over the Sahara.





An ideal climate, a long and gentle seacoast, has for over 3000 years witnessed the passage of Romans, Vandals, Byzantines, Turks, Spanish and French.
They came as fugitives or adventurers, to conquer or to claim, warriors and missionaries, traders and farmers each leaving a part of their story in stone or mosaics, on hills of Carthage and the threshold of the Sahara.

Hold Hands to the Alzheimer's disease

My Father's Battle on the Alzheimer Disease

but more

A Tribute to my mother

One thing I learned about this disease, never stop holding hands to those suffering.

When my father was diagnosed with the disease, we did not react as we would now, after living his story.

We were not aware of of how it would be the years to come and the intense pain it would generate in the whole family.

How long had our father had Alzheimer's before it was even diagnosed?

My sisters and I have asked ourselves that question a thousand times .

We know it must have been at least fifteen years. His memory and his battle had been going for a long time, but we thought it was just age and personality.

Thinking of those years when he started being aggressive to my mother and to the neighbours, the jealousy crisis, the memorie loss, the wake up nights and much more.

When we finally got the news from his doctor, it did not come as a big surprise but we didn't know exactly how to handle it and how bad could it get.

We finally believed what was going on, when he started putting my sister shoes on, getting dressed with my kids clothes, drinking or eating anything around him no matter how bad, running way or disappearing for a while and all the other things that only we can understand.

My mother decided she would handle it and for the best of his last days he always stayed home.

I often think how lucky we were to be able to give him a warm and cosy home until the end.

She had gone through the worst of taking care of my father, when he was in a more alert stage, constantly having catastrophic reactions and being aggressive. After some years he was getting into a calmer stage, except at night. At times he could be so sweet and loving, and more fun than he had been before Alzheimer's.
We always felt that even on his last months, he knew he was home and love was his motivation to be alive.

He loved hugging and although he was always so tender and caring for his daughters, he became even more towards the end.

My mother was the one waking up with it every morning and going to sleep with it every night, she said.

"You know, I think in that moment before you wake up, I think for a moment he almost forgets, and then of course (he) realizes that we are where we are."

My mother had to feed him, bath him and specially staying by his bed side. The last couple of months it was like my father was falling into a deep sleep, not responding much at all when we held his hand and talked to him.

Then on November the 7th 2006 , he died.

It all starts by a long period where they live so much in pain because they realise what they do and how fast they are loosing capacities. It is an embarrassing period for the pacients.

Then it goes to a period where they start not remembering well about what they do and therefore do not have a clear conscience of their state.

To the final period , the pain reverts totally on the family as the pacient do not remember ,feel or have any kind of idea of what they do or how they react.

Known as "the long goodbye," Alzheimer's disease is increasing at an alarming rate as someone is diagnosed with the disease every 72 seconds.
By the year 2030, the number of Alzheimer patients could approach 8 million and if scientists can't find a way to cure or prevent Alzheimer's, this number could increase to 11 million and 16 million by the year 2050.

What is in fact the Alzheimer's disease ?

The brain is the source of our thoughts, emotions, personality, and behavior. Because Alzheimer's is a disease of the brain, it will naturally affect what a person thinks, how a person feels, who that person is, and what that person does.
Alzheimer's disease affects different parts of the brain at different times, making it hard to predict how one will behave.

But the disease just gets worse every day. It never gets better.

I once read what Ronald Reagan said when he was diagnosed the Disease:

«The only good thing about this disease is that you get to know new people every day»