Married Life

I guess that after 20 years of a happy marriage I have legitimacy to speak about it.

I know that all I may say will be read or not, taken in consideration or not , understood or not but still I owe a statement about what i think married life should be.

The doubts come quickly to your head, specially when society made it so easy to undo.

Is it going to be as we expected?

One of the misunderstandings about marriage is that people tend to think that marriage is a 50/50 deal but in the end it is no more than two people giving 100/100 all of the time.

I was young , my generation was becoming selfish, my career was only starting - so why did it last?

What makes a marriage work?

The key is empathy. It means being able to put yourself in another's position, to feel what they feel and see what they see, without losing yourself in the process.

For me is all down to a list of key points that all together make married life wonderful.

• Never assume - think that all you have today , might quickly go away tomorrow.
• Compliment more than you criticize.
• For each time you moan about your husband to your family and friends, tell three positive stories.
• Remember that it is ok to do things differently - there is more than one way to peel a potato.
• Marry someone that you enjoy listening and talking to.
• Be fair! Split the housework (involve your husband in the kitchen, they love it!)
• Never go to bed angry. (Unless it's 3a.m. and you're exhausted, angry, and not thinking straight.)
• Before starting an argument, consider if it's really worth it. Remember that people do fight. It's how you do it that matters.
• Respect each other's privacy and individuality.
• Surprise each other now and then.
• Have one date night at least every two months - leave the kids and take a day or one afternoon for both of you.Set up a romantic weekend !
• Never pass up an opportunity to say "I love you".Hold hands and Hug & kiss every day (several times a day actually!).
• Keep the in-laws out of your marriage!
• Never keep secrets from each other. Communication is the key , talk, talk , talk.
• Listen - this could be the most important one ever.
• Always respect each other.
• Don't compare your marriage to others. What you see on the outside is not always what it is on the inside
• Accept differences - No one is perfect.
• Give gifts
• Smile often - I would say: smile always as it is contagious - laughter is like smiling and as they say: it is medicine.
• Touch - intimacy between married people is very important and touching is a mean of communication that reflects closeness, connection and love;
• Talk about dreams
• Encourage - positive support and being there for one another !
• Slow down ~ and don’t jump to conclusions; always give the benefit of the doubt .
• Ask for each others’ opinion - absolutely.Your decisions will reflect both your lives.
• Look your best - I know that this is not easy to implement since we face different situations all day long, however; it does count that you make the effort to look your best every once in a while .
• Forgive - from the heart
• Admit that you made a mistake.Be quick to say "I'm sorry".
• Ask, “What can I do to make you happier?”
• Be sensitive to each other’s sexual desires ~ more importantly; understand these desires and keep the communication going.
  

I hope that somehow I can contribute with some advise and my experience helps building happy marriages - THIS IS POSSIBLE!!